What was I doing?

First my apologies for the poor editing on my last post. My built in editor was quick to point out my mistakes.

If I ever end up with Alzheimer’s Disease no one will know. They won’t see any difference. I could say I have a bad memory but I do not think that does it justice. Mind you if ever all the cards were stacked against me…this is it! First there is the psychological cloud. My brain had not had a clear thought in years. Always, it was like I was thinking through a soft lens. Always things were little bit of fuzzy. Then there were periods when I was not doing well where my ability to retain any information vanished. I had teflon brain. You could tell me something and “swoosh” slid right through the brain out the ear. If I had of known how I would have kept a bucket there to catch those thoughts.

If you look you will notice the lack of clarity is listed in symptoms of bipolar disorder and depression. No kidding! Then there is the fact (as I have made rather obvious) that I am in menopause (old foggie). Check the symptoms there and AGAIN you get foggy brain and poor memory. Can you see where I may run into a problem? Then there is the more serious fact where I have endured more ECTs (electroconvulsive shock treatment)  than I care to admit. If anyone was ever faced with the choice of whether to use this as a treatment for depression I have but one thing to say…it works BUT I do not care what they say you will suffer memory loss (It is much better now, they put the electrodes on the frontal lobe instead of the temporal which resulted in major memory loss)

So suffice to say unless there is “divine memory intervention” I am not going to remember shit! Oh and the distractablity (that is my own word)! I can be focused on doing one thing then I see something else that needs to be done and it is like “oh a butterfly” and off I go. Then I cannot remember what the heck I was supposed to be doing in the first place. It is a vicious cycle. So mostly I can walk around with no clue of what I am doing. I definitely have more clarity now but that fuzzy brain still appears.

I can go through all the motions of doing something with no awareness…then when asked what I did with something…I have no idea. Let me give you an example:

There was an ad on facebook (we all have gotten sucked in by those) where the food service “Hello Fresh” was having an introductory offer. It was 60% off the first order. Well it worked out that for under $50.00 I would get the fresh ingredients for 3 amazing meals delivered to my door. You do the cooking but you receive the recipe and every ingredient you need. Well that was a deal. I could not buy it for less than that. So I ordered it (then cancelled it so I did not get dinged for the next week).

My son was here when it arrived. We were very impressed! Wonderfully fresh ingredients and great recipes. We were both excited. For the Mon and Tues I had to work so we planned on doing our first meal on the Wed. Well Tuesday night my son went into the kitchen to get the recipe book so we could look at it and the 3 of us decide what we wanted to cook first. “Where is it Mother?” (even he does not know why he calls us Mother and Father) “On the kitchen table with all the rest of the stuff,” I answered. He could not find it. Figures, you know men…can’t see what is right on front of them. So I went to look myself. Where in the hell is the recipe book?

The 3 of us looked everywhere! You have to understand I live in a shoe box (in size proportion). There really are a limited number of places where something could hide. The garbage had not gone out yet so we dumped all that out. No go. Where in the heck did I put that book? I had a vague memory of it being in my hand. Then it goes blank. I saw nothing as to where I put it down. We spent 2 days periodically looking for it. What were we supposed to do without it? I did not even know what some of the ingredients were little own what to do with them.

Teflon brain. The thought of where I was putting it “swoosh” right out the ear! I figure when we go to move we will find the darn thing. Now you may want to know the end of the story. What did I do with the food? My family calls these dishes “A La Dennie.” That is where I decided to follow a recipe and most of the ingredients are missing so I improvise. That is exactly what I did. I put meat in the slow cooker and just started dumping ingredients. Some of the meat I had to freeze. I did know better than try to cook that all at once. “A La Dennie!”

I do not dare tell you what I ended up dumping into the pot. Stuff looked good. And smelled good. It had to taste good! Supper time came and i thought better let the boys try it first just in case I created a poison. “Oh my god Mother, this is delicious!” My son was enthused. Hubby told me I would have to make it again because it was so good. Fat flippin chance! It WAS delicious! But I had thrown out all the packages so I had no idea what I put in there. The leafy stuff they did not label and I had never seen that before.

So I am a natural born chef. Ready for the fine cuisine of Paris! The sad part is I don’t think I have ever gotten that reaction concerning a meal I had prepared (except my meatloaf). And I can never make it again. I had a few things I threw out because I really had no idea. And they smelled funny. So now you know how truly gifted I am in the kitchen. And just what consequences I can face when my brain goes into pause mode. I figure when I go grocery shopping next I am just going to pick up things that look kind of cool and throw them all into a pot. I mean I am truly gifted!


kitchen cooking GIF

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