I believe that God puts a passion on each heart. And a gifting. I believe every person has something they have a gift for. I do not mean a person has to be an amazing artist or performer. I have a close friend who is an amazing house maker. She is a great Mother. Boy what I would give to be able to say that! Maybe you are an amazing school bus driver or baker. Organizer or decorator. There are a million different things we can be gifted at. They do not all have to come with world acclamation.
It has been pretty clear to me for years what my gifts were. Mostly they stood out because I sucked at everything else! I thrived in school in English and Law, even Physics I could handle. But Math and Chemistry…that part of my brain never developed. I can remember in grade 12 Chemistry the teacher passed me cause he felt so bad for me that I tried so hard but never progressed one inch as to understanding what I was doing. As if I did not have enough troubles with Math, my teacher wrote in calligraphy. I had no idea what that man was putting on the board!
But I could write. The teacher would give us assignments with huge essays and I would be in my glory. I could whip off a 5 page essay in a couple of hours…if that. Poetry, Science, wherever I had to write I never had a problem. I was 12 when I entered my first speech competition. It was for the Veteran’s Legion and it was titled “World War Three.” I won and it was when I got on stage to speak that I got the thrill. I entered more and won more but it was the getting on stage to present that really made my blood flow.
Back then our Guidance Councillors gave us tests to determine what we should choose as a career. Let me tell you as women our choices were pretty slim. Mine kind of threw him for a loop because I ended up with Ambassador. I did not even know what the heck that was little own what they did. I just figured they had to write a lot. I was living in a very small town and that was just too far out for me to even consider. So I went with what I thought was the only avenue for me. Theater. I knew I loved the stage and with all the pretending I had to do so people did not catch that I was dealing with inner workings, I figured I was pretty good at acting.
So off to University I went. I was good. And I loved it. It wasn’t in the cards for me. Things fell apart and I had to come back home. I was devastated! I had no idea what my options were. What could I do with writing and speaking? They were useless. Oh and I was good with people. Whoopie. All the stuff I needed to have a career I was terrible at. Good jobs came from banks and CEOs or Science stuff. What the heck good was the stuff I could do? This ended up propelling me onto a path of more than just a few different careers. Now that I was very good at! I could choose another career path at the drop of a hat.
One thing I discovered I loved was teaching. I was up in front of people speaking. I could not wait to go to work. I did not feel I would ever be smart enough to go to University and study to be a real teacher. I was teaching Esthetics at the time. But my boss was the earthly version of satan himself and I ended up leaving. As time went on I ended up in the field of customer service. I even worked in Radio for awhile. There was not much I did not try. Whether or not I knew how to do the job was irrelevant. If I wanted it…I went for it and would figure it out as I went along.
The last major career I had was in IT. I had my CNE (certified Netware Engineer) and after failed attempts at mastering my craft…I became damn good at what I did. But it held little enjoyment for me. I loved that I dealt with so many people and helping them but working on a server all day was not exactly a thrill ride. That is a whole different story as to what happened there. But I found myself again at a loss as to what in the heck I was supposed to do on this Earth.
Now here I am. Doing what I am passionate about. What I love! I may suck at it but I love it! I still work temp jobs in customer service but that keeps me busy so I do not get too comfortable being in the house. I can be put into a crowd of 20 and be uncomfortable and anxious but put me in front of 200 and I am good to go. Makes little sense I know.
I must say the part that amazes me is how things opened up for me once I started focusing on what I was good at…what was on my heart. Opportunities just opened up. Things happened that I never dreamed could happen. I think that following those dreams is important. There is nothing like living and doing something you love. I tried to teach that to my kids and they have both followed it. Neither one of them would have been good in a typical job. My oldest is the academic who is going to be a Professor. My youngest is into film. Life has been stacked against them many times but they have never given up on their dreams.
When we live with an illness we mostly see ourselves as “wrong.” We cannot do anything important. I am broken and am filled with scars. I still believe in myself. I believe that if God gave me these gifts then I am supposed to use them. Why in the heck else would I have them? I don’t think He just gives them out randomly. We all have a purpose. The problem is few of us believe that. When all you see is darkness we rarely see us living with any light. We can!
We are not destroyed. If we are still here then we are made of some tough stuff. Others go far and they do not even know half of what we have conquered. Imagine if we took that survival strength and put it into something that would bring even some light. We could conquer the world many times over if we just had a little confidence. I know I am only learning at my age that even with bipolar disorder I can be whoever I want to be. I probably will not do it the way some may expect but tough! What I do know is that I smile more. I get to experience a fulfillment that I had never known before. Dreams are good. Dreams are possible. If you have made it this far…hell climbing up a ladder is a piece of cake!