Look I Can Fly!

I have to admit my mood stabilizer works very well and I do not experience the hypomania very often. Of course that means avoiding my triggers. And sometimes I miss it. Just give me one day to get this house all cleaned! But there is a huge difference between “hypomania” and “mania” I know because I have visited both. I know I’ll probably never find a doctor who will support my theory. But I believe I went from Bipolar II to Bipolar I and then finally back to Bipolar II. To me it is the only thing that makes any sense.

I went through a stage where my mania reached a level of psychosis and hallucinations. I was never admitted to a hospital because no one realized what was happening. This only usually occurs in Bipolar I. Now I could be completely mistaken here and it may be common to switch between the 2. I just have never heard of it.

I will be the first to say that awareness of mental illness has come a long way (still far to go). But if you notice most of the people with influence who are coming forward all suffer from depression. Except for my idol Carrie Fisher, you do not hear as mania come up and talk about the manic side of their illness. The general public understanding is “very happy.” They have no idea the destruction it can leave behind.

Although suffering from a chronic case of lack of energy, does have me yearning for the days of hypomania. I loved how much I was able to get done, the great ideas, the great writing. I destroyed my family. They do not talk about this so much on “Bell Let’s Talk.”

Mania can be just if not more dangerous than depression. Your concept of right/wrong disappears. You have no boundaries. You can leave behind you a trail of chaos. It is not all just giggling and smiling. Some are more severe than others from the stories people have told me. Once you give up your conscience…you are lost.

But let’s end this on a more positive note.

I was a certified Life Coach (I have not taken the course or paid the fee to re-certify…still considering). At the school I went to it took 9 months of occasional classes to complete. I 100% believe in the material. However I was always suspicious about the lady that owned the school and taught the classes (although she was very good). One day my youngest son was here and I must have gotten a bee in my bonnet because I was looking up things that this lady may have done wrong. Well I found all kinds of stuff. I was going higher and higher by the second. After reading all the information thoroughly I knew I had legal grounds here.

I traipsed up the stairs with laundry basket in hand calling down to my son “Find me a lawyer.” I did whatever I had gone up there to do and came back down fully expecting my son to be engrossed in the computer. Instead he was sitting there with his phone in his hand and a big grin on his face. “Feeling a little manic are we today? I thought I had better verify the information you were looking up and I discovered something very interesting. The “coach” they were referring to in all that information was the coach of a baseball team!”

Enough Said!


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