I Deserve Better

I am very fortunate in that I have a very loving and supportive husband. For 23 years he has hung in through the depression, mania and even psychosis. It still baffles me how he managed to stay. I ask him why and expect some in depth answer but all I get is “Cause I love you.” All too often though that is not enough. It takes a different kind of love to live with someone with bipolar disorder. Especially when they are not under control or are not being treated.

There is an entirely different perspective to this as well. That is through the eyes of those who suffer and how they see their partner. I am sure that for those of us who do have a strong relationship, we look at our partner in constant wonderment. How could they put up with us? Live with the uncertainty of what each day brings. I am termed “in recovery” now so my husband knows a much more stable life. But it sure as heck was not always this way.

I am in a variety of support groups on facebook and there is one constant of what I keep reading. Troubled relationships. But it is not just turmoil that people with bipolar disorder live in. It is this horrible attitude of what they think they deserve. They feel that no matter how much they suffer in the relationship, it is the best they are going to get. I NEVER said that it was not possible to love someone with bipolar disorder, depression or anxiety. Actually we are loving, compassionate and so very strong

There is absolutely no reason to have to stay in a toxic relationship. A lady found that a female friend of her husband’s was sending him nude photos of herself. He said she was just asking his opinion (not only is he an asshole he really sucks at excuses). She wanted to know if she should be upset. She did not want to lose him. These are the types of stories I read over and over. People with mental illness drawn towards toxic relationships. We will do anything to avoid loneliness.

As difficult as it is to be alone (and I know because I have been there) there is nothing that can do us more damage than being in an unhealthy relationship. One thing we suffer from is low self-esteem. To have it beaten down everyday will just sink us further into a depression. I may already be in a pit of depression the last thing I need is someone building me a coffin. If only we could step outside of our lives and see what is happening to us we would see our true suffering is coming from someone we may love.

The attitude that needs to change is thinking that we do not deserve better. That we will never find anyone else. I do not care who you are…you deserve to be loved, supported and respect. Do not just love me when I am good. My husband knows I am a package deal…the good with the bad. What we deserve is unconditional love. This is not just for partners…this goes with our friends as well. A toxic relationship is not doing anyone any favors.

Do not settle. You deserve just as good as anyone else. We also have the ability to kick someone’s ass right out the door. It is vital that we find as much positive as possible to be in our life. Constant negatively may seem ok because at least you are not alone. But there is no way you can twist or turn it…more harm is being done than good. You are worthy! Ask yourself what you want in a relationship and that is what you look for. And do not lower your standards because you deserve less than others. Damn well stand up and if you are not being loved in a positive way…see ya later asshole!

 

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