Holy Shit Did I Do That?

I am always talking about negatives in my life but I do not want you to think that I am without many positives. I supposed there are a lot of them that go on in my world but the past 4 years have been spent writing my book and for the past year my world has pretty much revolved it. It is hard to explain what it is like after you make the decision that you are going to do it. There is so much to it which is why so many start but give up.

I wanted to give up so many times but my husband and youngest son would not let me. It is especially difficult writing a memoir because I have to rehash all kinds of old crap that I had put behind me. It took me years to get passed it and now I have to face it again. This has happened more times than I can count. I give myself credit because I know many writers would have given up by now.

My book means everything to me right now because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. So why has it taken me so long? Because the first few re-writes I was not in a good place and not capable of writing a good (well to me) book. So once I knew I was in the right place I did a complete re-write. Then just when I thought I had completed this great accomplishment…I gave it to my editor.

Now when I first saw his email I was happy because it was not very long so I figured there was not a great deal to fix WRONG! Some of the stuff was a short sentence but affected the entire book. Then looking at it with fresh eyes I realized myself changes that needed to be made. So instead of making some adjustments and giving it back for a brief final check…I am darn near re-writing the book again and will have to have another full edit (at full price) done.

So the question I have to ask myself every day even those where I would rather be doing anything but writing…Is it worth it? Yes for every bit of blood I shed. The question is whether or not my book accomplishes what I wrote it for. To help others and above all else to offer hope. Now if I manage to accomplish that then there was nothing I suffered that was too great.

I will complete this. That alone is a huge deal because I am famous for starting something but then never finishing it. But for some reason this is different. This is not just doing a job for me. It is my passion! I want others to glimpse into our world. I want to change the stigma that we are a group of “lesser” people. I want people to know they are not alone. I guess to sum up why I keep working even through all the discouragement…I want to make a difference.

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