Now I want to clarify that I am not a dirty person. You will not find gunk or dirt in my house. This does in no way include dog hair! However…if Martha Stewart was ever to enter my house I am sure she would instantaneously com bust! I love the more socially acceptable term “lived in.” The bottom line is if you come to visit, it may look tidy but it also means I spent 2 hours in a running anxiety attack trying to get my place to look that way. Company seems to be my only incentive to have my place all tidy and organized. It does not help that my place is really small and you can take a shower, have a pee and brush your teeth at the same time!
Then of course there is my running nemesis…laundry! Am I the only person in the world who takes a week to do a load of laundry? First I wash the clothes…then I forget I washed the clothes and have to wash them again because they stink. Then there is that nasty dryer. I put the clothes in the dryer…forget…fluff…repeat 3 times. I believe my bipolar disorder has caused some sort of mental block that does not allow me to remember that I have clothes in the laundry. Oh I almost forgot…once they actually make it out of the dryer they have to be folded and put away. I’m sure putting the clean clothes on the floor until they get put away is not the optimum way to accomplish such a feat.
But I do have to give myself some credit. Like I said this place is really small. My bed is almost against the wall and that is the side I sleep on. I also am in menopause so I have to sleep with 2 fans. So when I get up in the middle of the night and it is dark…I have to maneuver myself sideways between 2 fans…step over the stool that the dog uses to climb on the bed…figure out where the dog is so I do not land on her then try to crawl into bed within the little bit of space I am permitted in my bed. And I want you to know she may be a little dog but when she is asleep she is dead weight with no intention of helping me to move her.
I was always comparing myself to my friend who would make Martha Stewart look like a slob. Her house is so well decorated and spotless and always looks like it should be in a magazine. Well I am not her. If she wants to spend all her time cleaning that is just fine. I write. My parers and books I use on a regular basis are all on my end table next to me. Functional is how I see it. I have to clean the top of the table once a week cause everything gets dropped there. Which is why we eat in the front room. I am never going to be like her and I do not have to be. She may have an impeccable house but I would like to see her try to write a book. I had to stop comparing. I have my priorities and if that means I spend an hour just laying on the couch and all snuggled in with my fur baby…well at that moment she is my priority. We are who we are and whether our actions are because of a mental illness or just a personality thing…we have our own strengths. I am a very kind, caring and compassionate person. So if my house is untidy and you do not like it…let me show you to the door!